Where does it land you when you work and work and work towards a goal and finally achieve it and then fall backwards 40 steps to a point of starting all over again? What is that called? How do you reconcile who you are with what you’ve done and where you are? That’s where I am right now. I feel like a failure because of a serious (well, some serious) setbacks that have happened. And I must take responsibility for all of it. That’s what burns the most. I busted my ass. I learned. I achieved. I became better- at it all. And now look at me. Starting all over.
James and I worked for years to get to a better place financially. A place that allowed freedom: of mind of space of movement. Then, life happened. Family happened. A location change happened. My mental health happened.
We’ve decided to start from scratch. Well, we are being “forced” into making the decision to start from scratch. We, knowing the long-term restrictions on all the freedoms we build and earned, are moving forward in a direction that feels backwards, but I have to remind myself that it’s actually a step forwards. That’s the thing about starting over, right? It feels like failure. It feels like falling backwards and losing everything you’ve learned and achieved, which it is in a way. But the fact is that we HAVE learned. We have achieved. We do have a new skill set. We have life lessons to lean on. It IS a step forward to start over. And this time, I know what I’m in for financially and emotionally because it’s really NOT starting from the beginning. It’ll be a tough road, but I’ve been there before, and I know we will survive it and that we can make plans and reach our goals.
Again.
But this ride is not going to be easy and it’s going to take time; an amount of time that feels like it’ll be an eternity. But time we’ve got, and we’ll ride it out like we did in the past. And we’ll be smarter and better equipped this time because every time we fell backward in the past we always took that step forward again.
Wish us luck.
Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing because we’ve all had setbacks and had to start over with SOME part of our lives at some point. I am sharing because of the shame and stigma that goes along with being a “failure” in society’s eyes. I’m sharing because I want you to know you aren’t alone and you aren’t a failure no matter where you are in life. You can start over. You can take those steps forward. And the more you know the better you’ll do and you DO know more than you did the last time. Hang in there, no matter your circumstance.
It gets better.
Greetings From A Squiggly Mind 
Leave a comment