Drink More Water and Exercise


My sister and I have an ongoing dialogue.  We pretty much sum up all of our conversations lately with “fucking doctors”!

See, when you’re fat, like moi, everything that is wrong with you is because you’re fat.  Chronic headaches?  It’s because you’re fat.  Painful periods?  You’re fat.  Stepped on a fucking lego?  Jesus Christ, Woman!  I already told you, you’re fat!

The cure?  Drink more water and exercise.

Here’s the thing, though:  I may be fat, but I know when something is wrong with my own body, right?  I mean, I’ve been fat for a number of years now (never ask a lady her age y’all!) and this shit has never bothered me before so when it starts bothering me now I think I have a right to be a little concerned, no?

Take, for instance, my last trip to the doctor.  Correct that, the ER.  I went in because I was having severe pain.  Seems like a logical reason to go to the ER on a weekend and spent copious amounts of money and time to find out what could possibly be causing me to be in such agony.  Long story short, they (after a few over-priced and uncomfortable tests) found that I have an ovarian cyst.  Nothing to be too concerned with as women get them fairly regularly, but I was advised to follow up with my regular gyn because it could be an issue if it was causing that much pain.  Monday rolls around and off I go to spend even more money for a follow up.  Her expert opinion?  It couldn’t possibly cause the pain I was supposedly in, 80% of adults have back pain and I should exercise and stretch.  Yup.  Exercise (and don’t forget to stretch!).  Never mind all of the other symptoms (which I will spare you, but let’s just say they make TV commercials about them…) that I’ve presented with for the past four years.  Never mind my medical history or my family medical history.  We’ll just brush all of that aside.

So for the low, low price of approximately $1075.00 I now know that I have a small uterus. a tiny cyst, can’t be in that much pain and need to exercise and stretch.  *w00t*  I’m gonna live!

And let’s talk about that back pain that 80% of adults have, shall we?  A few years back I did go to the doctor to address back pain.  Now, let me remind you that, yes, I am fat.  Some doctors might even call me “morbidly obese”.  Fuckers.  Anyway, back pain.  Yes.  My doc meets with me.  Tells me that I’m fat and need to lose weight and exercise.  I politely explain to him that I would like to explore it a little further because something must be causing this new pain.  His response?  “I’ll order x-rays, but they aren’t going to find anything”.  Well, Jesus be damned!  Guess what?  I have early-onset degenerative bone disease and mild scoliosis in my back.  No biggy, though.  If I just exercise and lose weight it won’t hurt anymore.  Seriously.  No sarcasm intended.  Exercise.  Lose weight.  Problem solved.

Okay.  So what’s the takeaway here?  I know I’m fat.  I know it’s not healthy.  I know I need to lose weight and eat better and exercise and, yes, drink more fucking water.  I’m fat, not stupid.

I also know, however, that my body speaks to me and if I listen to it it’ll let me know exactly when I need a little something more than exercise and water.  Doctors should listen to us.  They are paid to listen to us.  We have to be our own advocates and fight for what we need.  If they won’t hear what we’re saying we have to find someone who will.

And in the meantime, do yourself a favor and exercise…. and drink more water.  You know those fuckers are going to ask.

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