Look At Me. I’m An Adult

adulting-is-bullshit-27109771

You’re supposed to become an adult at the ripe old age of eighteen in our beloved country. It has only taken me forty-two years to finally come of age. I can’t say that I haven’t been working at it. It’s just taken me a little longer than others to get it down. Okay, so if I’m honest with myself I probably don’t really have it down yet, but I’m getting close. I mean, let’s face it, adulting is hard. Well, maybe not for everyone. My twenty-one year old son seems to have it down better than I do, but I’m slowly gaining on him!

How do I know that I’m actually adulting on an actual adult-like level? Let me count the ways:

1. I have plants. And not just fake ones that are faded and covered in dust, but real plants. And they’re alive. Well, mostly. I do have one outside that’s looking a little sketchy right at the moment, but I don’t take all the blame. See, I contend that my mom babied it too much before giving it to me and now it doesn’t really know how to make it on it’s own.

2. Not all of said plants are succulents. I actually have plants that need water. Need I say more here?

3. We hung up curtains. Okay, so it was just yesterday. And it was only on one window. But we do have curtains on order for a second window and we do already have the materials on hand to actually hang them when they get here. For the record, we’ve never actually had curtains before so this is a huge step into the adulting world for me.

4. All of our bills are paid. Every payday for the past year I have paid all of our bills. Well, technically I did forget to pay one last month, but it was a small one and they didn’t cancel our services so I don’t think that really counts and, therefore, I still consider that an adulting win.

5. I take my medicine every day. Pretty much every day. I only forget every once and a while. And I suppose I should give credit where credit is due and admit that my husband gives me my medicine every day. But 95% of the time I take it every day.

6. I only get up to pee once a night. That’s a lie. Twice. This isn’t a success.

(well that took a turn)

7. Gray hair. Gray hair that grows in the opposite texture than yours and if you have curly hair, it’ll be straight. If you have straight hair it’ll be curly.

8. Chin hairs. What the fuck?

You know on second thought, this is just bullshit. Adulting blows.

PS: edited to add an honorable mention item:  My purse.  My purse now weighs approximately 248 lbs.  I have no idea why.  I can’t figure out what in the hell I have in it that weighs so much or why I might need whatever it is.  Perhaps it’s the purse itself.  I honestly don’t know, but I do know this:  I am officially becoming my grandmother.

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