In A Nutshell

What is a mental illness?

“According to Mayo Clinic Mental illness, also called mental health disorders, refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors”.

My diagnoses and definitions:

#1 Bipolar Disorder-1

Per MedicalNewsToday: “Bipolar disorder refers to a mental health condition that can lead to unusual shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels. There are different types of bipolar disorder, which health experts differentiate depending on the severity and pattern of mood swings.

People with bipolar I disorder — also known as type 1 bipolar disorder — experience mania, which describes periods of high energy and excitement that may last for a week or more”.

#2 Generalized Anxiety

Cleveland Clinic states “Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a mental health condition that causes fear, a constant feeling of being overwhelmed and excessive worry about everyday things. It can affect children and adults, and is manageable with talk therapy and/or medications”.

#3 Panic disorder

“If you have repeated, and unexpected panic attacks, you may have panic disorder. Panic disorder causes bouts of overwhelming fear when there is no specific cause for the fear. In between panic attacks, you may worry greatly about when and where the next one may happen. It can even keep you from leaving your home” Hopkins Medicine explains.  Hopkins goes on to state that “Panic disorder may be an overreaction of the body’s normal survival instincts and behaviors. In people with panic disorder, the body may be more sensitive to hormones that trigger excited feelings in the body”.

#4 Agoraphobia

VeryWellMind.com defines agoraphobia by stating that “Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder that involves an extreme and irrational fear of being unable to escape a difficult or embarrassing situation. People fear they will experience panic or other incapacitating symptoms when trapped in a public and inescapable setting”.

They also explain that:

“Agoraphobia is sometimes mistaken as a fear of leaving the house, but it is more complex. The disorder is marked by anxiety that causes people to avoid situations where they might feel panicked, trapped, helpless, or embarrassed”.

#5 PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

“Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, series of events or set of circumstances”.  Psychiatry.org follows up with this: “People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people. People with PTSD may avoid situations or people that remind them of the traumatic event, and they may have strong negative reactions to something as ordinary as a loud noise or an accidental touch”.

Now my first diagnosis was MDD and not bipolar disorder.  This is because I was going through a very deep depression that was expounded by having recently having a baby (post partum) and a history of depressive episodes throughout my adolescence and teen years.  After some therapy and diagnostics it was determined that I actually was a Type-2 Bipolar client and began to be treated accordingly. 

Many times, after more extensive treatment and diagnostic exams, a person will have additional diagnoses that can be an extension of their primary “condition”.  Throughout the years, I have had other diagnoses attached to my original diagnosis and other diagnoses that are not attached to the “main” diagnosis, but are attached to one another.  I’ve even had my bipolar type-2 diagnosis reclassified as Type-1 Bipolar due to having a fantastic psychiatrist that did a little deeper digging into my symptoms and history.

As an example of finding additional diagnoses that are attached to one another, but stand alone from my main diagnosis: I started having panic attacks approximately 15 years ago.  It happened out of the blue and I can remember the first one very clearly (although I do believe I had them periodically when I was a teenager, but wasn’t aware of what was actually happening). Attached to my panic attacks comes generalized anxiety.  Now generalized anxiety may or may not lead to panic attacks, but they can clearly be connected in many people.  My generalized anxiety and panic disorder have led to a moderate case of agoraphobia.  My agoraphobia has increasingly gotten worse over the past several years.  It feeds off of itself in that the more you avoid the anxiety and panic of a certain experience the deeper the avoidance coping digs in.  It can be, and has been, debilitating for many.  All of these things may very well be connected to a diagnosis of PTSD due to childhood trauma.  The funny thing is that the PTSD was one of the last diagnoses I received.  A great psych and equally fantastic therapist can be life-saving.

Some could say that all of these diagnoses are tied to one another, including my diagnosis of Type 1- Bipolar disorder, in that the sleeplessness and depression that come along with bipolar disorder are exacerbated by the anxiety involved in all of the other disorders I was diagnosed with.  I guess, on some level, I could say that it all comes full circle when you examine it a little more closely.

You’ll notice that some of my wording is very personalized (ie: I say that I AM a type 1 bipolar).  I found that when I was finally diagnosed in my 20s I was able to understand myself, my behaviors, my actions, my moods and my consequences much more clearly.  I was relieved to know that there really was something behind it all and that I wasn’t a “bad” or “lazy” (or or or) person.  I am a person who took on my diagnoses as part of my personality and who I am as a human being existing on this planet.

It is much easier to explain the moods and behaviors or actions that a person exhibits when you look at their mental health as a whole and as a part of that individual.  That is not to say that those actions come without consequences and many of us that are diagnosed with various mental illnesses are more than willing (sometimes too willing) to accept the consequences of our actions and behaviors, even if caused or exacerbated by said mental illness.

Why write this?  I’m really not sure other than to give a little background about myself and a small amount of information about mental illness.  I also write this in hopes that by speaking openly about MY mental health will inspire others to speak openly about their mental illness or even possible mental health conditions.  We need to break the stigma that STILL surrounds mental illness.  We need to educate others on the fact that mental illness IS an illness and it’s as real as diabetes or cancer or a broken leg.  There is hope.  There are treatment options.  There can be recovery.  

Please do not hesitate to speak up, to reach out, to get the help you may need.  There are so many options available to all of us, no matter the diagnosis (although, admittedly, some are more difficult than others to treat). We have come a long way, but not far enough.  We need to keep pushing, keep speaking out, keep striving to care for ourselves and to understand others.  We’ve got this.