Can You Hear Me Now?


When you are in an “elevated” mood your mind will move faster than your mouth can keep up. But trust me, your mouth will try.

Rapid, pressured speech is pretty normal for me when I get like this. Verbal vomit. I just prattle and babble and run off at the mouth about anything and everything. This is how I end up saying needless, pointless shit that bores others. Or I get gossipy~ just because I can’t make the brain-to-mouth filter snap into place quite fast enough. Or I get, as I’ve been called, “radical”. Basically, I just become outspoken about my political, social and/or religious beliefs; beliefs that are better not spoken about outside of a few close family members and maybe that friend. Then there are the plans and ideas. Brilliant ideas. Marvelous plans. And they’re completely doable, right? Of course they are, IF I were to stay like this forever.

(This is where you probably note that I even write in verbal vomit)

It’s not like I don’t realize I’m doing it, either. I do. Of course I do. I try to control it. Hell, the last two days were an experiment (and experience!) in trying to control it. And it was painful. It was actually painful. My chest hurt, my stomach hurt, my head hurt. It felt like someone was squeezing my throat and my stomach. Someone could have been sitting on my chest and I wouldn’t have known the difference. I wanted to scream. It was like all of the words I was holding in were bouncing around inside of me all willy-nilly and if I opened my mouth they would have just flown out in a wave of alphabet soup.

I probably looked like this all day

I don’t recommend it.

I have yet to find an alternative. I don’t want to say things that offend someone. I don’t want to embarrass myself or my family members (particularly my husband). I think it’s so much easier for me to talk to others when I’m like this, but the things I talk about and say always worry me because I’m not sure they’ll be appropriate or that I’ll word them right. I don’t trip over my words, but I don’t think before I speak, either. Or maybe it’s better to say that even if I know I shouldn’t say something, I can’t seem to stop myself.

What’s the solution? I don’t know the answer to that. Do I just stay home? Avoid people altogether? That’s my typical go-to. It’s the safest route in all situations. (I’m a homebody. What can I say?) Do I explain myself to everyone I meet and provide a disclaimer? Not going to happen. Do I have my husband hold my hand, and cover my mouth, whenever I’m in public? Not exactly feasible.

I suppose I can hope that those people who know me IRL will read this and gain a little bit of understanding about the “who, how and why” of Ter’esa. Hopefully that will be enough to get me through this cycle.

Just know this: If I say something offensive, out of line or just plain bizarre please don’t take it to heart. It’s not really me. It’s just a bit of verbal vomit. I’ll get a something to clean that mess right up. As soon as I’m done with this conversation.

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