Keep on Keeping on ———->

Wow.  It’s been almost two months since I’ve written anything.  I guess I haven’t had much of interest to write about.  So today I go back to the topic I always obsess over: weight loss.  Or lack thereof.

As you all know, I’m a fat, middle-aged diabetic.  No, fat isn’t a bad word so let’s move on from that.  Having said that, I have been on a mission to lose weight before the two trips we are taking are upon us  (time goes pretty fast, even when you’re anxiously awaiting something huge).

Anyway, as stated, I have been on a mission.  I still have my ups and downs, but overall I have been doing very well.  Of course, I’ve had a day here or there that I slipped up, but I would say those days are coming less and less often… like maybe 5% of the time.  That means that I am eating properly 95% of the time.  I have cut out pasta, potatoes, sugar, fried foods and “regular” bread.  When I DO eat carbs I limit them to one meal a day.

And I haven’t seen any results.   In all actuality I have continued to gain weight.

What the fuck?

I”m not good at rejection, even if it’s my own body rejecting my efforts.

I’m getting so angry and discouraged.  It seems like nothing I do is helping.

Now I know I haven’t started my exercise routine yet.  Ok.  BUT the change in my diet alone should have made a significant difference by now.  Yet here I am.

People are offering numerous possible explanations to help me process (without completely losing my mind) my ups and downs.  I have been on my period for over a month now.  I am not exercising.  I should just keep going and it’ll all start to pay off.  None of their well-intended thoughts are helping me.

I have been making an honest and true effort to be in a better place overall.  I have been trying to keep up on at least minor household chores.  I’ve been keeping my room clean.  I’ve been showering every two days (a biggy when I get depressed).  Hell, I’ve even been watering my poor plants!  Until I get some of this weight off and see a difference nothing is, apparently, going to change my mood.

So, where do I go from here?  I guess I’ll go to the gym.  I’ll keep trying to be more and more healthy with my food choices and my regular daily life choices.  I’ll keep on keeping on.  Maybe it WILL make a difference with time.  Maybe it won’t.  At some point I suppose I’ll have to learn to live with myself no matter.

To all of you struggling right now with your own issues in life try to remind yourself that ups and downs are going to happen and we all need to stay in our lane and keep on keeping on.  That’s MY goal anyway.  And you should always do as you’re told and not as I do.


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